...This story is still being written

Three years ago I did what I thought would be like any other phase in my life, like boy bands, glitter eye shadow, or overalls. May 23rd 2010 I was baptized to the Church or Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints where I still remand a strong Latter Day Saint.  It’s been great…not perfect,but great. I see things so much better now than I've ever seen before in not just me but everyone and everything around me. I've found my worth,patience, forgiveness, and most importantly my faith.  I’m almost positive I’ll lose those things in the future, but I have them right now and I’ll hold on to them with everything that I have. I’ll probably fight myself like I do everything and everyone else,but I always get back on track, as long as I pray first and act second.

 I don't think praying is like making wishes so I feel confident in sharing. For months and months I have been asking for the wisdom to know when something I’m doing is wrong and the strength to stop. I've also asked to hear God's voice louder than any other voice around me. For months and months I didn't think it was such a hard request,so I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting results.

April 6-7 was our church conference and it changed my life and answered my prayers but I wouldn't know it till the end of the 7th. I missed the first 2 conferences by a miscommunication. The 3rd...I guess I wasn't ready because I figured’ whose gonna know I missed it!’ Everyone was talking about it and there was even an FHE that played Conference Jeopardy and I was jealous and embarrassed that I didn't know what was going on. The 4th conference I was having a bad week but I didn't want to be left out of the loop again so I forced myself to go. I made the last talk for the beginning section on Sunday and stayed for the afternoon section. My attention span is short so when I got fidgety, I would take a walk.

This was my 5th conference and I only saw the one on Sunday.Saturday night I helped cleaning up and cooking to get ready to co-host a conference party in Bellflower till 1 am knowing I would still have to wake up at 7 to remind the other host to put something in the oven, cook two more dishes and get a shower and drive over there. I was an hour late and still had to put some final touches so headed to the kitchen first, but one of the voices stopped me and I had to write down exactly what I heard; the devil wants you to be miserable like him, said Tom Perry. I went back to the kitchen noise and I heard something else that I couldn't just write down, I had to go in the living and sit to take notes. "We must not pick out which commandments we want to follow."

President Monson talked about God making a failsafe plan to ensure our safety and he also brought up the story of Abraham. This was always my least stories in the bible growing up because all I could think of was how cruel can God be to ask him to kill his son and then told Abraham don't do it,I just wanted to see if you would. I thought about how his son could ever love a father who would do that and what he must have felt after that. As I heard this story told again I have to admit those old feels were starting to spread through my mind again.

Right after that talk I heard Jeffery Holland talk and those feelings were put at ease. "Hold the ground you do have...hold on strong to the truth you do know...Don't let your faith be overridden by your questions.”“Don't apologize for JUST believing, it's the first step towards your quest."  And then of course "Be patient, kind and forgiving." I couldn't see why everyone made such a big fuss over this guy but know I see why.

The entire day I had been in and out of the kitchen, taking notes, and cleaning. Dallin Oaks took a jab at my heart when he told me, “We love the praise of men more than the praise of God." It only hurt because it was true, I was cooking and cleaning making sure the people around me were perfectly comfortable instead of doing what's right which was sitting down and take more notes.

Enoch W. Kopischke let me have it when he told me to look for people who lift and encourage us, because the bad people in our lives that we keep will eventually make us feel abandoned. "Having your spirit is a comforter, and the only companion you’ll need."

The day was almost over and I realized I didn't get fidgety or restless or even that tired. I almost took a nap during Todd Chrisofferson's talk because I thought I earned it. Muffling sounds would come in and out as I closed my eyes, but certain phrases would open my eyes and I had to write it down. "Redeem your sins and pay what is owed by confessing and abandoning your sins...help others to achieve greatness too." And the Les Mis reference just tore into my soul. I went over my notes and I could see how sleepy I was but how shaky my writing was. That only proved to me how important writing that down was.

I was pretty out by the end and I'm sure it was President Monson who said it and I could barely read it now but like I said, it must have been important if I would open my eyes and eyes to it. "If any man opens his door to me, I will come in."

When I got home I was in my room looking over my notes and reviewing the day in my head and I realized that my prayers were answered. I heard from men who talked to God. I heard them louder than any other voice and sound around me. I've been asking for the wisdom to know when something I’m doing is wrong and the strength to stop. I didn't realize it until then, but I had been doing that for a while now.  Sunday was a perfect day and any number variables could have stopped me from being there and I still chose to be in front of that screen. I probably wasn't ready for the first 4, but I was more than ready for this one.

Since my conversion I have been embarrassed to talk about the church and why I joined. I knew it was right but I could never defend it or express what I felt then or how I would feel in the future. This was supposed to be a phase that I would get over in a year max. Nevertheless May 23rd 2010 I was baptized to the Church or Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints where I still remand a strong Latter Day Saint.  It’s been great…not perfect,but great.

Crying wolf gets People Kilt!!

            Since the mayor of Chicago thinks he has the right to outlaw Chick Fil A for their beliefs...like the entire company speaks for every employee, (sounds like its election time Mr. Mayor) I am institutinting a new Law for Florida.

          Their media is not allowed to use the term Zombie attack ever again!! (Click here for Zombie Attack Article) They abused the right to use it on two PC addicts on two separate occasions. That is just as worst as faking tornado's watch just for your stupid ratings. And to show how outraged I am, I wrote everything in bold print! We Americans take that term very seriously and I can't take anything from Florida serious ever again. I turned the cheek for that (clear my throat) Bush election hiccup, and I tried to ignore the whole Zimmerman thing, even though it might not be as serious if they had stricter laws on Guns. But I will not let 'heaven's waiting room' fool me again on Zombie attacks!!

and that is how...Cynarra C's it!!!!!

Stand fast through the Storms of Life

The story of the (insert name) horses. They started off on one side of the desert and their masters would ride them to the other side and back with very little water and food, and with even smaller amount of rest.The masters loved and cherish theses horses and seeing quite a few die off hurt the masters heart. The horses that remained, breed a new generation of horses. The Masters would ride the the new generation making their trials harder than the generation before. And he repeated this time and time again until the master had these beautiful, big and strong majestic horses that were ready for any war or famine, or storm...metaphoric or literal.  Some might argue for the generations before. Was their only purpose to make their future coats stronger?

While watching Smallville, one of the greatest tv shows of all time, I was listening to Jonathan Kent (one of the greatest TV dads of all time) talk about how he was a nobody farmer in a nowheresville town. And when he found Clark in the cornfield- before he knew he had powers he said he found his meaning; to raise this kid on his morals and the morals of his father before. He had no idea that he would be raising the savior of mankind in a fictional world. As I wite this I know I probably should of use the story of Jesus, Mary and Jospeh.

Ive looked up lots of reasons why we go through what we go through. And even though, I honestly dont want to go through them, it does humble and soften my heart when i do. When life was easy, i needed more to make me happy, and I never really appreciated when I had it. Which is weird, because I grew up pretty poor…in Compton…during the 1980s so I should have been waaaay more humble as a teenager. I believe God knew this too, but in a storm, you can’t see what’s going on. When parts of my life were taken away from me, I was furious and went through Hulk like fits, and it came at me all at once. If I would of stopped to appricatiate the things and people I still had, it wouldn't of taken me so long to get to where I am now.

 God litterally got me the job i have now. **** Teenagers look up to me and ask me questions that are not school related. And because of a combination of having lived through a lot mixed with being active in the chruch, I answer those questions appropriately and good enough to where they trust me with questions in the future.

Now, that I’m through one of my storms in life, I seriously love the simple, smaller things. Small things might make me mad…but even smaller things make me happy, and if that’s the price that I have to pay ill gladly take it. Lucky charms and being infront of a tv playing old cartoons, make my day, sometimes week. ******Someone recalling something I said a week ago makes me feel so special you wouldn't believe because I know I can talk a lot and super fast and if you retain any of it, that is either a great talent or very faltering.

I'm doing a Book of Mormon challenge...it's not really a challenge for most of you  since its just one chapter a day, but Its pretty hard for me and some chapters I have to get my easy read, and phone a friend. Ive read up to Nephi (add stopping point). And I'm getting lost into this story, probably deeper then anyone in this room gets lost into the Hunger Games. Mostly because I have no idea what's going to happen next, where most of you knew the story as a child and read it later in life.

So Nephi is shown the future of his brothers and all these horrible and then great things. And he's dealing with the roller coster of their faith, tring to keep his family alive while maintaining his own faith. In Chapter 16:5 Nephi is happy and full of hope that his brothers have humbled and soften their hearts at the sight of a miracle. In that same chapter Ishmael died and the brothers quikly turn on what they know and have seen and their first instict is to turn on their father and brother and try to kill them.

 

I don't know where I was when I read this, but all I wanted to do was cry. To know that the people put on this earth that were designed to love you, want you dead every time something goes wrong. I would lose it at the knowledge of someone harming my family. And to think that sometimes I'm the one doing it kills a part of me every time. So just reading that Nephi's faith has not budged through the storms of hunger, death, and betrail at any time, and has handled all of this with such class, just makes my problems seem so petty and vein. They are my trials which are different from everone elses, and I know God will only give me what I can handle.

The only one stopping us from knowing that and standing in our way is ourselves. Our trials will get us ready for what we were ment to do and it will not be easy, but when we go through it, we will be able to handle it with great class and our faith intact. One of my first Firesides I was listening to an anthropologist who proved the location and time periods and stories in the Book of Mormon. Places you can’t make up when translating it (insert Joseph Smiths location and time). This fireside was the last straw that made me convert by softening my hard head and heart.  I testify to everyone including myself that I believe everything I’m reading in the book of Mormon, and everything I’ve talked about in the past (insert time here) , whether I take my own advice or not. Your problems should not stop from being with God; it just means you need to get closer. Ever religion I’ve encountered had touched on the simple phrase for their church, ‘Come as you are, and Let God do the rest.’  I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

...How I could just kill a man (Or woman)

You know the worst job in the world, and by worst I mean the hardest and the one with the least amount of ‘thank you’? No…Not a super Hero.  Let’s talk about the murdering elephant in the room. People who exhale in life over life adversities, whether it be poverty or drugs usually give praise to their father. Its either, ‘He was never there so I had to try twice as hard,’ or ‘he was very overprotecting,’ or my favorite,  ‘He abused me and I worked hard to leave,’

You know what psychologist look at in serial killers? Their relationship with their mother.

Was she keeping the kid a little too close to her apron…even when he turned 30?

 Was she abusing them because she blamed them for her being single?

 Or did she give her son “too many ‘man of the house’ duties?

 If you look at the pattern of a typical Serial Killer, they did kill prostitutes, so they think this guy has serious mommie issues. But news flash, its super easy to kill one (not that I would know). They willingly get in your car at the right price, plus the chances of them being runaways are seriously high. Oh, and who wants to kill a guy when their chances of being stronger is unknown. You don’t know if that little white boy in the club knows jujitsu.

And that’s how....... Cynarra C’s it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see the bad moon arising

Water is of major importance to all living things;

·         in some organisms, up to 90% of their body weight comes from water.

·         Up to 60% of the human body is water,

·         the brain is composed of 70% water,

·         and the lungs are nearly 90% water.

·         Lean muscle tissue contains about 75% water by weight, as is the brain; body fat contains 10% water

·         and bone has 22% water.

·         About 83% of our blood is water, which helps digest our food, transport waste, and control body temperature.

Earth and the moon are attracted to each other, just like magnets are attracted to each other. The moon tries to pull at anything on the Earth to bring it closer. But, the Earth is able to hold onto everything except the water. Since the water is always moving, the Earth cannot hold onto it, and the moon is able to pull at it.

This usually drives people crazy(er) on a full moon. The term Lunatic comes from the moon (Luna). So next time you feel a little…lunatic-like, and you have burned through your black card, your pms Card, ‘The devil made me do it card,’ or ‘The spirit made me do it.’ Just remember you have one last card up your sleeve…the Ace up your sleeve: Bad Moon Rising. Thank you Creedence Clearwater Reviva!!!
And That's how Cynarra...C's it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matthew 5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth

Emerson once said, ‘to be great is to be Misunderstood.’

Psychology is still a new science and we are learning something new about it every day. The hardest part for someone with a physiological problem is that no two deficiencies are exactly alike. Its not like the flu or chickenpox, and for the majority of them, there is no cure…only treatment.  And now there is comfort.

 I watched the Aviator last night and since I got to the half way point of the movie I goggled Howard Hughes. The man was a super human genius whose mind was too brilliant for his head to hold. They said he was the most difficult man to work with and an obsession for perfection. Because psychology was so new, he (even being a billionaire) went untreated. Here is a list of other great minds.

• Virginia Woolf

The British novelist who wrote To the Lighthouse and Orlando experienced the mood swings of bipolar disorder characterized by feverish periods of writing and weeks immersed in gloom. Her story is discussed in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr.

• Ludwig van Beethoven

The brilliant composer experienced bipolar disorder, as documented in The Key to Genius: Manic Depression and the Creative Life by D. Jablow Hershman and Julian Lieb

• Vincent Van Gogh

The celebrated artist's bipolar disorder is discussed in The Key to Genius: Manic Depression and the Creative Life by D. Jablow Hershman and Julian Lieb and Dear Theo, The Autobiography of Van Gogh.

• Isaac Newton

The scientist's mental illness is discussed in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr and The Key to Genius: Manic Depression and the Creative Life by D. Jablow Hershman and Julian Lieb

• Michelangelo

The mental illness of one of the world's greatest artistic geniuses is discussed in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr.

Why I chose to write about this:

 I love astrology and I stare out to the stars more than anyone I know. When I look out at the stars, I only see the ones that shine the brightest.  I work with children who have been labeled and think they won’t amount to anything past who they are this moment. But one day, they will shine brighter than any other star around them and you’ll look at them the way I’ve always seen them: like the brightest star in the universe.


And that's how Cynarra...C's it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU HATE MEat...I HATE YOU!

I’m a carnivore to the fullest extent. I understand Vegetarians because I was one for two years of my life. But when I smelled my Aunts BBQ one summer afternoon, I turned into a carnivorous monster that had to make up for the past 2 years. Vegans…are crazy! Don’t they understand that if you don’t milk a cow its stomach will explode and my bones will become like jello? Everyone wins when we don’t let it go to waste! Let’s say we didn’t drink the milk, then the cow explodes…am I not suppose to eat a hamburger, and steak? (Hopefully not in the same meal) and should I not buy leather belts or shoes? Same goes for Ham, Have you seen or read Animal Farm?! That book scared the crap out of me and I won’t be satisfied till I see them with an apple in their mouth on my table.

Chickens! If everyone stops eating chickens, we won’t care why they crossed the road, because we will be more concerned on how long it’s going to be until I get down the road because there are too many running free and I’m late for work.

The Indians were right when they used every part of the animal they killed and you shame that animal and let them die for nothing.  America is a great country and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else, but is the only countries who can afford to be picky spoiled brats while there are dying people in third world countries.  Are you seriously going to let those steaks go bad in the grocery store because you don’t want to contribute to their death…that happened anyway? You are the real monster!

And That’s How Cynarra…C’s it!!!!!

You are worth more then you think ;)

The female praying mantis is known for killing the male after mating. A species of spiders commits the same act. The male knows its coming and still would rather satisfied his petty needs at the cost of his life. If an insect at the bottom of the food chain knows her worth, then why can't thehuman  female brain wrap her head around the idea that what they have is worth more than an open door or a few compliments. I mean if we are bargaining with your temple, can you keep in mind it's worth way more then you can imagine. If you think it's worth a ring, he'll pay a ring, and your first born's name. If you think it's worth a trip to Hawaii, get first class. And if you think it's worth a meal...supersize it.

And that's how Cynarra....C's it!!!

"There Can Only Be One."

Yes, that was an Highlander Reference! (Sew me Christopher Lambert)
You know that person who feels slower than their peers, or emotionally and physically weaker? They feel that they always come in last place. These are our children and friends our sisters and brothers. Well the next time they feel that way play this scene from the movie Look Who's Talking. In it, 1000s of sperms are rushing to this egg and the winner gets born, while the others die off. You tell that person that out of 1000s of sperms, you were the fastest, the strongest, and the brightest, and you weren't even born yet. You wanted it more then the sperm next to you and that is why you won. Big deal you didn't get the job, or the guy, or the medal. So the next time that person is down, you jog their memory by saying one simple word, with one simple syllable; Sperm!

And that's how...Cynarra C's it!!!

!

In Your Dreams!

You know those amazing dreams where you don’t want to wake up or you can’t wait to go to sleep with hopes that you can go back to that same dream? Well I do and I hate them! I have things to do and people to see in the real world. So Ill take my  Freddy Kruger, Chainsaw Killer, Zombie Apocalyptic nightmares any day (Or night) of the week.

And That’s How…Cynarra C’s it!

Don't read this Guys

I warned you!

Guys are dumb...even the Smart ones! I was watching an old episode of Family Matters and Urkel's character is no exception. He is in love with Laura who will never ever ever want him...unless he invents a machine that will change his DNA making him walk like everyone else, sound like everyone else and act like everyone else.

Myra Munkhouse liked him for who he was and she was just a pretty as Laura and way smarter. Her only flaw was loving him too much. (The Urkel pillow was a bit much)

So if you want to question my theory on guys being dumb, just remember the first "cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. 100 years for guys to realize which head is more important.

And That's How...Cynarra C's It!

...Before its too late

I can’t do number 56 on my list because I thought I had all the time in the world. I can’t even visit his grave because his family spread his ashes. Do what you have to before its too late!

And That’s how…Cynarra C’s it!